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dec 6. 2018

neocities only connects to the main wifi source, while its blocked on the other, less useful one AND at my house. derpibooru is only accessible from the bad wifi service and is available at my house. that hopefully explains my inactivity i guess

i've been using derpibooru a lot more than this site lately because 1. it connects to my house and to (some) of the wifi connections here and 2. it's cool. i post my art there. i talk on the forums. people actually Enjoy my art. i might just be there for awhile because i don't have any ideas for this site right now and its convenient.. so catch me there if you want

anyways, i just reached 91 followers on this site and i gotta say: Thank you all so much. Thats epic as hell. i appreciate you all enjoying what little content i have to offer. hopefully ill add something else exciting to make it better soon.. Perhaps.

nov 30. 2018

i was gonna say this last night but couldn't because neocities was blocked.. for some reason? it keeps going on and off from being blocked (it says because it contains ads which it doesn't .. at all???) which is weird but i dunno. anyways i watched all dogs go to heaven 2 which slapped quite hard. good movie.

theres 25 days till christmas so im just counting down time now. i can't wait to add another HS book to my collection... i'm waiting for the one where Dirk is introduced because i want an actual, physical picture of him in my house. that might be weird but he's a good dude.

thats about it for now. not to sound bland or anything. i'm gonna try to atleast write something here every few days. gotta be an active member of the community y'know...........

nov 29. 2018

this might be kind of a deep entry so... be warned.

i've noticed lately that i've felt been more content with my life, which i haven't in a loooong time. i actually have hope for my future and my life. things are finally starting to go good with my family, i'm getting over things that have bothered me for years, i'm getting over bad people in my life, both my physical and mental health are improving, i'm losing weight and gaining muscle, etc. i could go on, really. i'm finally starting to feel less like a lost cause and more like an actual person.

it just feels so strange to finally feel somewhat content in myself and my life. i mean, i'm not perfect and i do still wish some things were different about myself. i think thats normal. but i'm not soul-crushingly full of hate for myself anymore, like i used to be. i have people who care about me and support me. i never asked or wanted a second chance, yet i still got one.

two major parts of my whole downslide 4 years ago (yeah. you heard me right. it started 4 damn years ago. almost 5 at this point.) were internet related and family related. now, i'm not gonna go blabbing about everything that happened. especially not with my family. but i can say that i was somewhat a victim of circumstance; not completely, though, because i did make a lot of bad decisions. but lately i've been feeling less like a victim of circumstance and more like a regular person. after years of not even realizing it, i'm surprisingly in control of my own decisions and life (unlike what doctors told me. they told me that i'd never be independent. sucks to be you guys HUH). it's just... crazy. after 4 years of being in a huge rut, it's such a big relief to feel Better for once. a bigass burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

yeah, i guess you could say that the last 4 years have been one long, tiring depressive and/or psychotic episode fueled by my own personal self hate + loads of other family/internet troubles. but for the love of god, i'm glad its finally over.

i'm not gonna go on blabbing any longer but tldr: life is gud now :) yay *sips apple cider out of my owl mug from pier one imports*

nov 28. 2018

someone on youtube uploaded "a silent voice" in its entirety with subs so i guess i know what i'm doing for the next 2 hours. i heard its kind of a touchy movie because of the subject matter but i have nothing else to do (except update this site. which i aint gonna do. i might do some duolingo tho i have a bunch of words to add to the language page)

heres a link to the movie. i dont imagine it'll be up for much longer due to copytight claims or w/e but enjoy it while you can

wish me luck fellas.
god natt. jeg elsker du. (you know who you are.)

update: it may be my sappy emotions or low standards for movies but it made me bawl. i cried my damn eyes out. AND it had a happy ending so it was like a double whammy....... other than its heavy suicide theme (although part of the story, it can seem a little Much) it was really good. a silent voice slaps and thats it fellas. good fuckin movie